The Sweet Release of Death

Calling In Well: The Art of Ditching Work

03/25/2010 07:37 AM Filed in:Your New Life Coach

Some days it’s just too nice out to make the trek into work. And most of the time you’re just too damn tired and fed up to deal with the cavalcade of characters that await you there. So I suggest that today you call in well. Do it. Just pick up the phone and ring one in for me. Just give Reception a bit of “ cough, cough, sniff, yeah I’m not going to be able to make it in today. I’ve got a horrible case of the Bischon Flu... been barking all night.” If you do the cough and sniffle bit really good, the receptionist will be distracted by it and won’t pickup on the “barking” bit. She’ll hear “Bischon Flu” and think you said barfing. In her mind she’s thinking; “Poor thing is so sick, he said barking.”
Once the message of sickness is delivered, NEVER USE THE PHONE AGAIN.

Now is the time to get your butt moving! Don’t waste this opportunity by planting your self on the couch and rotting away catching up on The View, Dr. Phil and Rachel Ray’s live colonoscopy. Save that for when you are truly sick and suffering from fever delusions. Get yourself cleaned up and in your car. Point that thing 180 degrees opposite of work and blast off! You want to go at least 25 to 30 miles away, just so you don’t run into anybody from the Salt Mine. If you do, at that distance away from work, they are of the same mindset as you and will not utter a word. It will be like a meeting of the Jedi. You’ll make eye contact but what will transpire is the equivalent of a telepathic nod and thumbs-up as if to say “ Yeah! Ditching work!” Ah... the Force is strong with these two.

Now that you are a safe distance form being caught, live it up. Have breakfast someplace you’ve always wanted to go. Sit and relax at an outside table. Enjoy your coffee. People watch. Go to the library and get a book and take it to the park and read in the sun. This doesn’t mean got to Barnes & Noble and sit in there and read, that’s how you get caught. Plus it makes you look like a douche. You don’t go to Barnes & Noble to read. You find a book, buy it and get the fuck out. It’s a store, not your living room. If reading in the Sun is not your game, find something completely out of your wheelhouse like... Glass blowing! How cool is that! You get to learn how they make all that crazy, colorful stuff and you get a souvenir! Too artsy? Well there’s always the zoo, but that might dredge up feelings of work... especially the poo-flinging chimps, they have management written all over them. What ever it is you choose to do, make it fun. Make it a learning experience, but a relaxing one. If you’re near a beach, go take a surfing lesson. You’ll learn more about yourself and Mother Nature in one ride of a wave, than an entire week with Tony Robbins. So get out there! Work will be there for you tomorrow. I’ve got to run now. Gotta practice my cough and sniffle.

Tags: Tony Robbins, Bischon, Barnes & Noble