The Sweet Release of Death

How My Photography Summoned MacGyver: Part 1

04/30/2010 09:07 PM Filed in:Life on the Outside

One of my favorite things to do on this gorgeous island of Kauai is photography. Geeky? Sure, but it gets me out in the Sun, and helps in removing my fish-belly whiteness that has accumulated over the course of a dank, dreary Seattle winter. No matter how many times I come here, there is always something new that catches my eye that is absolutely breathtaking. Whether it is a new shade of blue in the sky, or how shades of pink and orange collide into the huge, majestic clouds that float over the horizon at sunset. Screw Hollywood and their CGI bloated films with blue kitty-people; nothing beats the reality that pulses outside my door. Late one morning I decided to trudge on up the road, to a spot not too far away where some Green Sea Turtles were hanging out close to shore. I figured I would get some killer shots and soak up some rays in the process.

I hopped over the low sea wall and clambered onto the lava rocks below, to get a good perch to watch the feeding critters. As I began snapping away, The Sun broke through some left over morning clouds and let it be known. Well, it got hot, really hot. I soon noticed my SPF 50-soaked fingertips were uncomfortably slick, so I decided to close up the camera and scoot down to the water to wash my greasy paws. Now the group of lava chunks I so precariously set my pasty white self upon, was just a mere four feet or so from the waters edge. The “Gee, ain’t the water pretty! / Don’t do what you are about to do” smart-to- stupid ratio, well, stupid was heavily favored on this one. In my mind I was thinking: “Get up off the rocks, keep the lens cap in your pocket, and put it back on the lens when you get back to the top of the wall. THAT WAY YOU WON’T LOSE IT, DUMMY.” But since this is vacation, and you are only supposed to be thinking in regards to what kind of savory little creature you’re going to be eating soon, I glanced back out to the water and the turtles. In doing so, I pistol whipped my inner-voice of reason and reached into my pocket for Mr. Lens Cap. No sooner had my hand exited my pocket, with Mr. Lens Cap in my grasp, SPF 50 came into play and freed Mr. Lens Cap in one swift, “Adios Sucker!” move.

To my great relief, the Emergency Computer Override in my brain kicked in, taking over all systems controls and kept me from diving after it, and into the jagged crags below. I’m sure if I would have dove for it, it would have made for some splendid, gut-wrenching laughs on one of those YouTube “Greatest Wipe-Outs” collections: “Watch as Daryl dives after his stupid lens cap, eating shit into lava rocks at the waters edge!” I know I would laugh about it, although I’d more than likely be spitting out my front teeth also as I did. The Missus watched the comedy unfold from above and called down “You dropped it, didn’t you?” “Yep” I replied. I looked down into the crack below, and I could just make out one of the caps edges in the wedge of sunlight that was able to pierce between the rocks. “Damn that’s tight,” I thought. I scurried back up the rocks to put the camera away before it too became part of the shoreline. The Sun was fully freed from the clouds now, and that coupled with the jet-black lava rocks, well, it was hotter than a crack pipe at Whitney Houston’s house.
To be continued.

Tags: Kauai, YouTube, Whitney Houston