A Vanload of Thieves, A Volcano and 5 Delta Flight Attendants: A Vacation mini series

It’s been awhile since my last post and since I started this maniac, I promised myself that I would not be one of those writers that posts something, and then flakes for a long stretch between posts. That sucks and it pisses people off. So I do apologize for my absence but I do have a good excuse. As you can see in the photo above, Corporate Land has been robbed. It happened on a Sunday night, just before I was to leave on vacation the following Wednesday. The jackals made off with 13 Mac G5 towers but left the monitors (thanks guys!) But what really put the hurt in the caboose was the theft of our company’s X-Raid server, which really set off my inner Nancy Kerrigan Screaming Why? Why? Why? As if the break in wasn’t bad enough, a little Volcano in Iceland (Ehimgonnafuckwithya) decided to blow it’s top, spewing ash into the sky while flushing billions down the drain. The British stiff upper lip quivered and closed its air space as everyone knows, but I must say to my British friends; you missed out on the biggest Monty Python living theatre opportunity ever! Iceland, Angry Viking Volcano, Hot ash cloud...French and German airlines tempting fate and flying through the cloud? Sounds like a laugh riot to me. The Brits could have been there too! I can almost hear John Cleese and Michael Palin: “Ello Govnor, we seem to have lost engines 3 & 4 sir. Jolly good Neville! Press on! Err… but Govnor, we are also losing altitude and the ash is sandblasting our windscreen…we can’t see a thing. Yes, yes I see Neville. Well, put the kettle on and fetch me a biscuit would you? I’m famished.” So as the Ehimgonnafuckwithya volcano kept my vacation hanging in the balance, a backup plan was devised. So regardless of the air quality over Europe, I was leaving for somewhere. But before I could leave I had to help in getting Corporate Land back up and running with fresh Macs and a server. Three days later and much cursing and fantasizing a slow painful death to the robbers, I tidied up the loose ends at work and headed for the airport. Everything packed for England and its weather, sweaters, scarves down vest etc. As I step up to check in, the flight clerk asks, “Where is your final destination?” England, Liverpool. “Uh yeah we aren’t flying there at all.” Nice. Brilliant. “You can still go to Amsterdam, but after that you are on your own.” Hmm… Legalized pot and hash bars, prostitution… sounds like an ideal destination to be stuck in, but since there are already thousands of people stuck there and clamoring to escape, I’m sure it smells pretty ripe. The last thing that I want at this point in time is to be stuck in a Spielberg outtake of Schindler’s list, trapped in a train car or bus with a bunch of smelly Europeans.
To be continued.

Tags: delta airlines, England, Monty Python, , Iceland volcano

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