The Sweet Release of Death

Fishermans wharf, who farted?, beer pong, Gladiator

Pirate Pride & Prejudice

05/13/2010 09:52 PM Filed in:Executive Hugs from Above

I must admit that I have been kicking around multiple examples of the love that pours like the deep sea crude from our executive staff here at Corporate Land, but it took a vacation to finalize my decision for the perfect contender. You see, naturally, the further away you get from your horrible job, the better you feel so it’s only a matter of moments to rapidly gain back all of that volatile animosity towards work upon return. So as I have been settled back into the fold now for a few days, I get the privilege to get caught up on what I have missed the past few weeks.

Seems that right after I left for vacation, the powers that be had their weekly management meeting and it was anything but pretty. Most of these things usually are but of two types: Nasty or Boring. Apparently, The Uppers decided to liven things up a bit and deliver a brutal verbal beating that is usually reserved for the end of the year company party… kind of like a Friars roast without the jokes.

After a weak financial performance in the first quarter, the word was rained down with lighting bolt precision that “We” (the managers) suck. Once that was delivered, the old pick-me-up of “you have nothing to be proud of” followed it up. Brilliant! Thanks dad!

Now when I was in management, I likened these meetings to walking onto the set of Gladiator: “Those of us about to die, Salute you!” The group consisted of the proverbial “Yes” men and a couple of whipping boys. All in all, the meetings provided entertainment and always delivered a mental Jerry Springer moment of “what have we learned here today?” in my head. Usually I would tell myself “ well I sure as hell wouldn’t have said that if I was running this place.” So when some of my peeps gave me the rundown, I wasn’t really surprised.

Given the over abundance of Business leadership books, websites and the “Boost your company morale” gurus in the world, Corporate Land chooses to define its corporate culture on a phrase splattered across a t-shirt: “The beatings will continue until the morale picks up.” Its good and damn funny when it’s hanging in a cheesy pirate store in Fisherman’s Wharf, but as a business plan, well it’s fucked up. I mean good god man! Get a slogan the workers can unite around! A good “Who Farted?” will get the troops rallied and an extra 2 hours of work out of them. I don’t even want to think of the bliss that would be delivered if they chose a “it’s only kinky the first time” slogan or even “Beer Pong” Damn… now that would be something to be proud of!

Tags: Fishermans wharf, who farted?, beer pong, Gladiator